The EBA

Over the past several weeks, I’ve been working with leaders facing situations they’d rather avoid—having difficult conversations with colleagues, disciplining direct reports, or holding employees accountable. It would be so much easier to “kick the can down the road.” But leadership doesn’t give us that luxury.

When I ask leaders why this is so hard, their answers vary: some fear being disliked, others dread conflict, and many simply hate uncomfortable conversations. Almost all are deeply concerned about the personal impact on the other person.

Here’s the hard truth: avoiding these moments is an abdication of responsibility. Not taking on this difficult challenge is vacating the power given only to us. When leaders fail to act, they leave unused the power entrusted only to them—and the organization suffers.

When leaders fail to act, they leave unused the power entrusted only to them—and the organization suffers.

The good news? There’s a way to make these moments less painful—and even strengthen relationships over time.

Do you remember your first bank account? I fondly remember mine. I took the six dollars I had earned mowing lawns and making hay and proudly walked into the bank to open a savings account. The kind lady took a small book with lots of little lines and squares and wrote my name at the top. On the first line she wrote the date, the word “DEPOSIT” and +$6.00. She handed me the little book and said, "Every time you come in, bring this book." I felt so grown up even though I was only 12. I couldn't wait to stop at the bank and deposit the dollars that I had earned. When I finally needed money, I brought the book to the bank and asked the kind lady for $10. When she handed me the bill and my little book back, I was saddened to see WITHDRAWAL -$10.00 written on the line and a smaller number as the balance. I told my folks this made me sad. They explained that this was how banking worked. You put money in for the day you need money out. One day when the nice lady updated my book there was a second line in addition to my deposit line that said INTEREST +6¢.  I was shocked! They gave me money? The lady explained that you earn interest on your deposits. I was hooked!

Stephen Covey reminds us that every relationship is like an emotional bank account (EBA). Every time you recognize good work, offer encouragement, or show genuine care, you’re making a deposit. Every time you correct someone, enforce accountability, or deliver tough feedback, you’re making a withdrawal.

Transformative leaders understand this. They know withdrawals are inevitable—so they work relentlessly to make deposits. They catch people doing things right, not wrong. They build trust, show appreciation, and invest in people consistently. They also know that the more they do this, the more INTEREST they earn (It's called TRUST in leadership). Then, when a tough decision or correction is necessary, the balance in the emotional account covers the withdrawal.

Leaders who lack this discipline often shy away from making withdrawals. But avoiding the conversation only delays the inevitable and leaves the organization—and the person—worse off.

What tough conversation are you avoiding right now? If you had to make that withdrawal today, what’s the balance in your EBA?

What tough conversation are you avoiding right now? If you had to make that withdrawal today, what’s the balance in your emotional bank account?

As a kid, I was disappointed to realize that I was going to have to take a withdrawal to get the things I needed. But the withdrawals are inevitable. Thank goodness for the deposits.

What deposits can you make today?