The Rocking Chair or the Map?

Life as a leader is full of challenges. If it weren’t, they wouldn’t need us. (Think about that for a moment.) Unfortunately, our first instinct is often frustration or blame, but the stoics of old offer a more productive way forward.

Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and Stoic, said it best: “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” When a problem arises, a follower of stoicism pauses to separate what’s outside their control (other people’s choices, past events, the weather) and what’s inside their control (their words, actions, and mindset).

“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

The trouble comes when we pour energy into the first category—complaining about the rain, resenting someone’s opinion, obsessing over “what ifs.” That energy is wasted because those things are fixed beyond our reach. Instead, Stoics direct their effort exclusively into the second category. If it’s under your control, it’s your responsibility; if it’s not, it’s irrelevant to your peace of mind.

Some people mistakenly think stoicism is about suppressing feelings or becoming indifferent. This common idea could not be further from the truth. Stoicism is cultivating inner stability so that we can face challenges without being swept away by anger or anxiety. It is about using the time we might have wasted worrying about what we don’t control to control the things we do. In my rocking chair I can rock furiously—for hours if I want. But when I get up from the chair I am exactly where I started. This is akin to the hours spent worrying about things we do not control. I can spend waste as many hours as I want worrying about things I don’t control. But after all that, nothing has changed. Had I used those hours on what I do control, things would change.

If it’s under your control, it’s your responsibility; if it’s not, it’s irrelevant to your peace of mind.

This is the difference between what I call “scenario planning” and “borrowing trouble.” In borrowing trouble, we simply spin out about all the things that might possibly go wrong. We wake up in the middle of the night to the 3:00 AM brain-spin slideshow where slide after slide shows us all the things that might go wrong. And they could legitimately go wrong. But spinning out about them does nothing but keep us from much needed rest and cause a host of medical issues including lack of sleep, elevated blood pressure, and the overproduction of cortisol. Evolutionarily, there was a purpose for this borrowing trouble. I am sure Grok benefited from thinking, “Sure, right now the fire is warm and I did find food, but I still need to scan the bush line for the sabretooth tiger that might come out and get me.” Or, “Sure, I have had lots of good food from my foraging efforts, but I should keep an eye on that black berry that killed Sprok last week. “ 

In scenario planning, however, we view the things that might legitimately happen and develop a plan to implement should they materialize. We write these plans down so that we know what we will do should any of these problems actually happen. The difference between borrowing trouble and scenario planning is that scenario planning has a product and an endpoint. Borrowing trouble is just spinning out.

The difference between borrowing trouble and scenario planning is that scenario planning has a product and an endpoint. Borrowing trouble is just spinning out.

What is worrying you right now? (This could be anything from personal to organizational—from a financial worry to a team issue at work.) What is worrying you right now? Write it down. What about this problem is beyond your control? Make a list. Now the important part: What about this do you control? What can be done there? What can you do, right now, to address this issue? (Interestingly, writing about it fits into this category. It is a response you control, and it begins the scenario-planning process.) What are the possible scenarios of this issue? For each, what will your reaction be? “You have power over your mind—not outside events.” Control what you control. If it’s under your control, it’s your responsibility; if it’s not, it’s irrelevant to your peace of mind.

Viktor Frankel (google him!) taught us: “Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond.”

 “Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond.”

You are not powerless. You have control. Focus on what you control. Respond well.

You got this.