The MRI?

On an almost daily basis, I am blessed to work with brilliant minds in the medical field. So when I talk to them about the MRI, they immediately imagine a machine that uses magnetic fields and radio waves to create images of the body's structures. But that is not what MRI means in my world.

For me, MRI is the “Most Respectful Interpretation.” The most respectful interpretation is choosing to view another person’s words or actions in the most generous and empathetic way possible—especially when there is ambiguity. It is simply starting from a place of respect, curiosity, and understanding rather than suspicion or judgment.

The most respectful interpretation is choosing to view another person’s words or actions in the most generous and empathetic way possible.

Its opposite is the LRI—the “Least Respectful Interpretation.” This is where we assume the negative about some interaction—where we fill in the blanks with an ungenerous interpretation or assign an undesirable motive to someone’s actions.

When faced with ambiguity, we must assign either the MRI or the LRI. Think about it. My boss walks past my open office door four mornings in a row without acknowledging me. I assume she is mad at me or just being a jerk. On Friday, she tells me that she has been so overwhelmed that she committed to being undistracted in the mornings so that she could catch up. She finally caught up and feels much better. Had I granted her the most respectful interpretation, I would have assumed there was a purpose behind her actions and accepted them without judgment (and saved myself all of the angst created by the LRI). The MRI is always a better starting position.

It is natural to give the LRI. We see it all the time. The boss made this decision to spite me, my colleague is late answering my email because they don’t care about my project, my direct report skipped my meeting on purpose. We are evolutionarily wired to the LRI—it makes perfectly good sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Rather than pet the kitty, our early relatives suspected danger in the sabretooth tiger; rather than eat the berries, our ancestors watched what happened when some other animal tried them first; rather than immediately trust a neighbor, we eyed them with suspicion until they proved themselves. We are biologically wired to distrust.

Even more, we are also wired to expect the MRI. We expect people to understand the good intentions behind our actions, and we take it as an insult when they don't. People should somehow know I am too busy to chat, that I am late on my email response because of a pending deadline, or that I skipped the meeting because my kid was sick. That's the rub. We give the LRI while expecting the MRI. And simultaneously expecting the MRI while giving the LRI leads to a warped (and unhelpful) view.

Simultaneously expecting the MRI while giving the LRI leads to a warped (and unhelpful) view.

What can be done about this?

• Learn to recognize the LRI. Identify and eradicate it.

• Don’t assign motive. We can recognize the action without assigning a negative reason for it.

• Be curious instead of judgmental. Ask before you assume.

• Start from a position of respect. What would the MRI be?

The world moves at the speed of trust. The LRI always destroys trust. Want to move more quickly to your goals? Take the MRI.

 Want to move more quickly to your goals? Take the MRI.