The unselfish act

I don’t remember the first time I heard a flight attendant say, “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others,” but it sure felt different when I heard it with my wife and children on board.  I looked down the row and my kids and my wife and thought, “would I really put my mask on first with those I love right next to me?” I see a similar question in the eyes of leaders who believe in “servant leadership” or are committed to “leading by example.” “Selflessness is a virtue” they seem to be saying. “Aren’t I supposed to lead by example, put other’s needs first, and ignore my own needs?” Yes, sometimes, and no.

“Aren’t I supposed to lead by example, put other’s needs first, and ignore my own needs?” Yes, sometimes, and no.

Many strong leaders believe that to set the example they must be the “first one in and the last one out.” They believe that to show their commitment they must be on 24/7/365. Yet, according to the research of Daniel Goleman, the “pacesetting” leadership style is one of the least effective.

I remember meeting a new president who was struggling under the load. The team seemed to have little faith and I wondered how it would work out. Bumping into one of her team members a few semesters later I asked how the president was doing. “Great!” was the surprising answer. I asked what the turnaround might be attributed to. “She learned how to take a vacation,” was the surprising answer. When this leader thought she had to be onsite and on task all the time she was exhausted and irritable. When she took a vacation she showed that she trusted her team to run things in her absence and got the rest she vitally needed.

As a leader, taking care of ourselves is not a selfish act. Sure, we all know the horror stories of the self-centered leader that never comes in from the golf course. No one is suggesting that is the right course of action. But taking a walk, closing the laptop, reading something that isn’t a report, sitting still long enough to remember who you are when you’re not solving problems is not selfish. It’s an act of stewardship. It is leading by example.

What do you do within your day to reenergize and refocus you? I loved walking across the quad to my favorite coffeeshop for an afternoon espresso. Leaders have told me about 10-minute reading (for pleasure) breaks, short walks in nature, new lighting or music for their office, the 20-minute nap, short meditation, desk calisthenics-- and so much more. They realize it is not about being constantly on. Everything in our world—machines, cars, phones, computers— benefit from being turned off now and again. So do we.

Everything in our world—machines, cars, phones, computers— benefit from being turned off now and again. So do we.

When you take a vacation, you are not only getting the rest you need, you are modeling to your entire organization that it is okay to take a vacation. When you are unreachable over a weekend (after identifying someone who is), you are modeling behavior that will improve the lives and productivity of everyone on your team.

Here is one of the hardest questions I know: Does your organization want your best or do they want your most? You see, they are mutually exclusive. It’s one or the other: best/most. When you put your mask on first, when you take the break, you realize your best is required. When you don’t, you labor under the delusion that your most is. Asking your organization for their most will only lead to burnout, distrust and failure. Asking for their best is inspiring.

Does your organization want your best or do they want your most? You see, they are mutually exclusive. It’s one or the other: best/most.

Great leadership is not being everywhere all the time. Great leadership is living in a way that makes you capable of  your “A” game when it is needed most.

Putting your mask on first is not a selfish act. It is wisdom in action.